I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.

It's very easy to go through your whole life and never really get anything done or have any real meaningful interactions or relationships. All of a sudden you're dead, and I'm going to say that's got to be a letdown.

Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".

I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.