I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
I just found out that I have more allies than America!
I don't want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.
I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.