I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.

I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

I just know keeping track of what I'm doing and where I'm going is important to me.

You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity; for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.

Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.