I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.

It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.

Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.

Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.