I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.

Clowns have no respect for pie.

Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.

The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.