I like people, for a little while.

If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.

The problem with most people, is that they are most people.

I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.

The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.

Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.

The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).