If I had to pick one artist to tile my bathroom I would go with MC Escher.
To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.
Someday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K.
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.