I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

I was thinking how strange it is that water is one of the best, simplest things on this planet, and still with a simple glass of water you can neutralize so many of the greatest technological advances that we provide. Like with my blackberry, I can get in touch with so many people, but if I dip it in a small glass of water I'm completely disconnected.

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'

I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the "crazy guy" at law school, which is the guy who is not so much "crazy" as "annoying."