I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that.

I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"

I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.

When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.

There is no I in Team, unless you count the vertical part of the T.

It's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They said, "You've got one year left. Just do it." I had a full scholarship so I didn't have to pay for it. They asked, "Why don't you just get the degree so you can have it?" And I said, "You don't understand. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and now I know. I have the answer and it's dumb to waste any more time."

I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.