It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.

My friend asked me I ever swam with dolphins. I was like, 'Yeah, of course. What distance are we talking about from the dolphins? Because the last time I was in the ocean, I'm pretty sure I swam with most of them.'

Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.

I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.

There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.

I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.