It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.

Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.

I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.

When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.

'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live."

I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.

And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track.