It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.

Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.

I'm afraid of sharks - but only in a water situation.

Palindromes are the number one conversation stopper, like party killer, I think I've ever seen.

Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.

Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.

A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.