There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.

You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.

The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.

A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.