A large portion of the Earth's land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.

I never set out to do a sketch show.

I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.

One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'

For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.

If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.

Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.