Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.

To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.

After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.

I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'