Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.

I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that.

Knights would have probably liked refrigerator magnets.

I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".

I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.