Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.

I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.

I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the "crazy guy" at law school, which is the guy who is not so much "crazy" as "annoying."

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.