When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'

I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding; I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.

I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.

Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname.

I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.