I wonder how they deal with mice at Disney World.

When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.

I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.

Man versus woman equals fun. Man versus man equals gay. Woman versus woman equals awesome. Man versus pillow equals crazy. Pillow versus pillow equals crazy awesome - that's a real pillow fight right there. You see two pillows fighting, you know something's going down. They're designed for relaxation. If they're fighting, what hope do we have? One time I saw two geese fighting, and I was like, 'This is a pillow fight ahead of time.

Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.

The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.