It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.

I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.

If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'

I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

I think one of the most groundbreaking inventions of all time is the jackhammer.

When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.