It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.

To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.

A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.

Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?