It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.

Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'

I think bears and worms aren't very similar... until you think of gummy.

Most stick people are black.

One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'

I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'

As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.