I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no "chocohol". We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably "over-workaholled".

I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms for thankful.

I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!