I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.

Cotton balls is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. Cinnamon buns, on the other hand, is something I would buy and want to have as a nickname. 'Are you Cinnamon Buns?' 'You bet your sweet ass I am.'

Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, "Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good." Hopefully it balances out.

I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.

If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.