I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.

I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms for thankful.

If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.

It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

To me, comedy is a game.

Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.