How to be a bouncer: be an asshole; stand near a door.

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.

I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'

It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.