Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
I need to develop some patience - immediately.
One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".
I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.
Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.