It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.

I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.

I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

This is a pie chart about procrastination.

My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.