I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks.

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.

If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.

I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.

Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.

I love Buster Keaton and I love physical comedy when it's done in an emotionally understated way. I just like to play it, and I need the attention.

Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.