A squirrel is the same as a can, when there's a bb gun in my hand. Can't you see that I am just a man? With distinctions... and comparisons.

Game, set, match equals tennis. Set, match, run equals arson.

I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'

I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"

Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.

'Dammit I'm mad' is 'Dammit I'm mad' spelled backwards.

Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.