I think the best thing about being dumb is that it makes magic a lot better. Where the hell did that rat come from? I dunno, but I'm calling the cops because he just cut that lady in half.

Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.

I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.

I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.

I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.

Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

The earth without art is just eh.