A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.

I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.

A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.

I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.

It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.

A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'

I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.