I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.

I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.

I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that.

I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.

I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.