My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.

I never set out to do a sketch show.

Clowns have no respect for pie.

You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?

I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.