If you really think about it, hitting the snooze button in the morning doesn't even make sense. It's like saying, 'I hate getting up in the morning-so I do it over... and over... and over again.'

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

I think the best thing about being dumb is that it makes magic a lot better. Where the hell did that rat come from? I dunno, but I'm calling the cops because he just cut that lady in half.