If you really think about it, hitting the snooze button in the morning doesn't even make sense. It's like saying, 'I hate getting up in the morning-so I do it over... and over... and over again.'

Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.

This is a pie chart about procrastination.

I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.

I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.

Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting.

'Dammit I'm mad' is 'Dammit I'm mad' spelled backwards.