I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.

And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.

I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.

Everything I ever learned I was told by someone else.