I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.

If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along the way. Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that.

I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.

My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.

When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.