A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.

I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.

They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.

I travel alone so much, and the first thought is to grab the damn phone. In airports, just look around. Nobody looks at anybody, or even out the window. It's obvious we can't live without it anymore, and as a comic on the road the phone is an essential tool. It's probably doing more good than bad for me, but it does make me sad that those of us who grew up without mobile phones, we know what we're missing.

I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.

When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.

When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'