A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that.
To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname.
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.