I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.

The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

Clothing sizes are weird, they go: small, medium, large and then extra large, extra extra large, extra extra extra large. Something happened at large, they just gave up. They were like, 'I'm not doing any more adjectives; you just keep putting extras on there.' We could do better than that: small, medium, large, whoa, easy, slow down, stop it, interesting, American.

When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.

I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along the way. Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that.

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.