If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
If I had to pick one artist to tile my bathroom I would go with MC Escher.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.
I think they named the orange before the carrot.
Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious.