But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.

I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

A power nap, is when you sleep on someone who's weaker than you

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.