Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!
When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.