The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'

When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'

I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.

There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.

A large portion of the Earth's land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.

If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation.