The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.

I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.

I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.

I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.

I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.