There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'

I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.

What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.

It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no "chocohol". We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably "over-workaholled".