There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.

I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.

It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.

I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.

You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.

I love Steven Wright.