Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.

When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?

I just know keeping track of what I'm doing and where I'm going is important to me.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.

Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.