I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.

I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.

Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no "chocohol". We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably "over-workaholled".

Skeet shooting is probably more satisfying if you really hate skeets.

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.