I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.

Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.

Jumping jacks are easier to do than crawling jacks.

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

I travel alone so much, and the first thought is to grab the damn phone. In airports, just look around. Nobody looks at anybody, or even out the window. It's obvious we can't live without it anymore, and as a comic on the road the phone is an essential tool. It's probably doing more good than bad for me, but it does make me sad that those of us who grew up without mobile phones, we know what we're missing.

I'm afraid of sharks - but only in a water situation.

If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.