If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
Demetri MartinHalloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
Demetri MartinI'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
Demetri MartinUse crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.
Demetri Martin