Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting.

I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.

When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.

Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.