Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting.

I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.

It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

Skeet shooting is probably more satisfying if you really hate skeets.