Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.

Skeet shooting is probably more satisfying if you really hate skeets.

When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.

I didn't play music, nobody in my family had an instrument or played music, we didn't even have any books at my house. I think about it and I'm like, I don't know how I climbed out of there.

But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.

What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.