The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.

I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.

A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.

To be creative, first I need to be really organized. If my apartment's messy I need to clean it. It's like before you start doing your homework or studying for a test, you have to have a clean room.