The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.

Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.

There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.

There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.