If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.

Skeet shooting is probably more satisfying if you really hate skeets.

To make even fewer friends try talking about politics as much as you talk about yourself.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.