I was thinking how strange it is that water is one of the best, simplest things on this planet, and still with a simple glass of water you can neutralize so many of the greatest technological advances that we provide. Like with my blackberry, I can get in touch with so many people, but if I dip it in a small glass of water I'm completely disconnected.

I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?