Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.

Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.

If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.

I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.