Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.
Demetri MartinI like parties, but I don't like piรฑatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
Demetri MartinTHING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police sketch artist. This is one of the rare instances where two people can do one self-portrait.
Demetri Martin