A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.

Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.'

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to be some guy who was doing my page and he would say that he was my cousin and I was going to be doing projects with him. I don't know who this person is and I don't have a cousin by this name and this person keeps saying that they're doing projects with me. It's so weird.

I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.

When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.