The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.

If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.

I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.