When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.

I never set out to do a sketch show.

After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.

A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.

There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.