When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.

I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that.

Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.

It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.

Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.