When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to be some guy who was doing my page and he would say that he was my cousin and I was going to be doing projects with him. I don't know who this person is and I don't have a cousin by this name and this person keeps saying that they're doing projects with me. It's so weird.

I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

If I had to pick one artist to tile my bathroom I would go with MC Escher.

I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

Clothing sizes are weird, they go: small, medium, large and then extra large, extra extra large, extra extra extra large. Something happened at large, they just gave up. They were like, 'I'm not doing any more adjectives; you just keep putting extras on there.' We could do better than that: small, medium, large, whoa, easy, slow down, stop it, interesting, American.