I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.

Most stick people are black.

I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding; I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.

Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues; and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.