I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries.

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.

Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.