My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.

I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.

I've never read an article of clothing.

I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long.

When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.

I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.