The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.

It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.