The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.

It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.

It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.

Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.