Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.

I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.

It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.

There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.

A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.

You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.