Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.

I bought a clock, but the big hand broke off of it... so I just added "ish" to every number.

I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.

If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.

If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.