Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'

I love Steven Wright.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.