Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.

There are two kinds of jackets - reversible, and reversible but it's hard to zipper up and it looks really stupid.

I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.

I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.

The Pursuit of Happiness: It sure seems to like a good chase, doesn't it?

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.