Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

I think one of the most groundbreaking inventions of all time is the jackhammer.

I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.

A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.

I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.